This week, Pam and I drove from Northern Colorado to Dallas, to see our son, Paul. I didn’t do so well on the roadtrip.
Transition teaches me new things about myself, even long after transition has been done. Turns out that Babsie flies in a jet a lot better than she rides in a vehicle.
It wasn’t always that way. When I presented as a dude, I drove all over, multiple cross-country road trips, 2-½ hour commutes to work, you name it. If you’ve read my recent book, TransCountry, you know that the road trips recounted there led to some notable unhingings. This little jaunt to Texas made for a whopper meltdown. A quite literal one.
See, our trusty, 17-year-old Escapé lost their (um, Escapé’s nonbinary) AC about a year ago. No problem. I have a 10-minute commute, and did I mention Northern Colorado? Days with high temps in the 90s number about 15 or so a year. Escapé’s heater works just fine, thank you. And they’re paid for, an essential for a non-independently remunerated writer/artist.
Did I mention Texas? How about climate change and the fact that Texas has been revved to white-hot devil’s-ass-crack temps since, I dunno, last February? Yeah, at the close of September, when most places north of the Tropic of Cancer are greeting autumn, Texas is flash-frying hot dogs on the sidewalk.
Pam and I shared the driving. Southeast of Amarillo was Pam’s turn, and I fully expected to carry on driving from Wichita Falls to our Dallas destination. Ah, the well-laid plans of Escapés and Babsies. The sun poised herself like a massive light bulb in the Easy-Bake oven of my front passenger seat. Escapé was built with operative AC in mind, so ventilation was eschewed, turning the interior into a convection oven in the spots where direct sun hit. Those convection spots were spot on me.
Pam was therefore enlisted to complete the trip. (It’s a full-time job to care and feed the Babs. Pam apparently is well-suited to a life of constant martyrdom. Poor kid.)
We pit-stopped in Jolly, Texas, where I was anything but [insert pun-named Texas town here], nearly passing out. Did I mention I was weeping? That and trembling, quaking, and otherwise jibber-jelloing on a stroll through hell. Pam got me a huge cup of ice. For the next hour, I sat in the back seat, where there was a hint of shade, and rubbed ice cubes over my entire body. Pam heroically avoided blindness by looking in the rearview mirror as little as possible.
So, yeah. That happened. That and my weep-muttering imprecatory epithets about the Lone Star State, the hateful state of my life, and the concrete rain(less)forest that is Dallas.
Lesson learned? I’m fucking getting a rental car with AC next time. Or better yet, I’ll avoid latitudes like Texas and instead make cookies that go well with happy-temperature-inducing desserts like ice cream.
I can take the heat of the kitchen ‘cuz I don’t bake in Texas (except when I’m stupid enough to ride there in a non-air-conditioned vehicle). If there is a next time, it’ll be preferably a jet. First class. Where they give you crumbly cookies.
The kind of melting I like? Melt-in-the-mouth, like this recipe.
Frolla della Cagna (B*tch's Shortbread)
From the Italian, Pasta Frolla means "crumbly pastry." You can vary flavor by adding cinnamon, cocoa powder, cardamom … go witchily nuts, my peeps! The first time I made them, I served them with Cream Pasticcera (Italian Pastry Cream). Both recipes are actually bases for whipping up more complicated bakes. However, served together, their simplicity makes for a dessert you wouldn't sniff at in a fine trattoria. You can also make sandwich biscuits/cookies from these. You do you, Boo!
Prep Time: 30 min, plus .5-2 hrs chilling & however long you take w/ cutting Cook Time: 8-12 min Total Time: 1 .25-3.25hr Difficulty: Easy Servings: Makes about 30-35 biscuits/cookies, depending on cookie-cutter size
EQUIPMENT
Sifter
Lg mixing bowl
Grater
Scotch blade (metal or plastic scraper)
Cling film
Rolling pin
Parchment paper
Cookie sheets
Cookie cutter
INGREDIENTS
3¼C (370g) 00 ("Caputo") Flour (can sub all-purpose flour)
⅓ C (30g) ground almonds
1C (200g) unsalted butter, cold
2 med eggs, cold
1C (140g) powdered (confectioner's) sugar
seeds of 1 Vanilla Bean (or 1½t vanilla extract)
½t salt
DIRECTIONS
1a. Sift flour into lg bowl.
1b. Add ground almonds.
1c. Grate in cold butter.
1d. With your fingers, work in butter till mixture looks like fine breadcrumbs.
2a. Form well in mixture, adding eggs, sugar, vanilla, and salt.
2b. With your hands, repeatedly scoop mixture from bottom of bowl and fold it over to form a dough that will lead to flaky, crumbly, creamy melt-in-the-mouth frolla.
3. Turn mixture onto workspace, flatten with palms, and fold in half. Turn 90°. Repeat this flattening, folding, and turning no more than 3 times, till dough forms a soft mass. (Use a scotch blade to help if your mixture is sticky.)
4. Hand-flatten dough, wrap in cling film, and chill in fridge at least 30 min (better still, for 2 hrs). If not using right away, you can keep in fridge up to 3 days or freeze up to a month (to always have some on hand).
5. When dough is chilled, preheat oven to 350°F/170°C (375°F/180°C High Altitude).
6a. On lightly floured workspace, roll out chilled dough to ⅛in (3-5mm) thickness.
6b. Cut biscuits/cookies with your favorite cookie cutter. Place on parchmented cookie sheets.
7. Bake in batches for 8-12 min each, depending on thickness.
8. Cool biscuits/cookies on wire rack.
9. When cooled, store in airtight container. Should last a week (if they don't get scarfed up sooner than that).